


Forelsket

by noneveragain



Category: Gerard Way and the Hormones, My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Fluff, Frerard, Homeless Gerard Way, M/M, Other, Student Gerard Way, Teacher Frank Iero, Teacher/Student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-08-08 17:57:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7767604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noneveragain/pseuds/noneveragain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forelsket is a Norwegian word used for the euphoric feeling you get from being in love.</p>
<p>Gerard never wanted to be homesless, in fact - he doesn't even remember why he left in the first place. He brought this upon himself and he can't get the courage to find his way back to where his grandmother lived. </p>
<p>Not just courage that plagues him, but the fear of dying. He's already slowly dying and he doesn't understand why he's so scared if it inevitably will happen, but he is. </p>
<p>Gerard hates that he's doing this to himself, now having to face hunger pains and lice and any other sickness that comes his way without any doctors help. </p>
<p>Gerard is just existing at this point, living being a lot harder than dying, but that's something he doesn't want yet. </p>
<p>He wants help, he needs it. But he's just clueless as to where to find it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Homeless!gerard AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Gerard fucking hated everything about his existence, but he still attempted to survive. Hunger pains plagued him every day, the dull ache in his stomach now becoming unbearable as its been a week without food and surviving on bits of water here and there.

Gerard was alone. Literally alone. No one was with him anymore. When Gerard was 16 his house was in a major fire and he was the only one to escape, his parents and younger brother all died in the fire, leaving Gerard's grandmother to take care of him but Gerard ran away before she could even get him. Gerard brought all of this upon himself. Living in Summit New Jersey his whole life and running away to Belleville was by far the dumbest decision ever. Gerard never fully understood why he thought it was okay for him to run away at such a bad time in his life, but he had nothing and knew he wouldn't survive the journey back to Summit if he were to go back. Plus, his grandmother was 83 at the time his parents died, he doubted she'd even care or even remember Gerard.

  
Gerard's mental health was nothing compared to his physical health and appearance. His rib cage was extremely visible through his old raggedy shirt that he wears every day, and his legs were very weak and he walked with a slight limp. He hasn't been to school since he was 15 but still doesn't mind. He had some knowledge when he was younger about it so it was easy for him to just get better.

Gerard would occasionally get the rare single person that would give him a couple dollars or even food sometimes but he would often had to steal something. He made it obvious he would steal stuff too. Prison life would be fucking better than life here too but instead of the stereotypical rude store managers that are supposed to inhabit Belleville instead are kind and caring and literally will give Gerard food and water. Now while Gerard was okay with it, he was really craving going to prison. They have food there and they give it to you regularly.

All the thoughts about food seemed to have made his hunger pains grow slightly, the dull ache in his stomach throbbing gently as he rubbed his stomach lightly, his head leaning against the brick wall of the apartment complex that he lived in the dumpsters of. Gerard usually walks around during the day or at night as a way to make himself feel better. Just wanders everywhere.

He just wants to be happy like all of the people he sees. All of them smiling and happy, laughing and enjoying themselves, going home and sleeping in a warm bed and eating hot meals everyday. While Gerard was sad and lonely, wallowing in sadness and crying softly to himself at night, going to the dumpsters of the apartment and curling up next to a wall and closing his eyes for a bit.

No Gerard didn't have a beard but some facial hair was starting to come into play, his hair was really fucking long too, and he itched a lot so no doubt he had lice. Gerard wasn't ready for what was going to happen next in his life, his heart already broken from the troubling loss of not only his parents but his younger brother - he doesn't want to kill himself either for some reason. Death seems far better than worrying about when he was going to eat or if he ever was.

He just goes on day after day hoping someone would be kind enough to see him and kind enough to help him, but no one is. Now he just has to sit against the wall of the apartment building he lives next too, ignoring the dull throb in his stomach and the dull throb in his heart.


	2. Just Existing

Gerard woke up, smelling the coffee aroma from the café next to him waking him up a bit more than he was a few seconds ago.

His stomach growled loudly, in desperate need of some food. It's been five days since he had that small piece of chicken some old lady gave to him and he could feel his insides hurting.

He sat closer to the edge of the wall and just looked at all the people walking around. He felt too weak to get up and walk over to the store to attempt to steal some of the bread they had or some water, his bones now becoming visible through his skin and his muscles weaker than they ever have been before.

Gerard tried standing up, his legs wobbling and his hands shaking in a failed attempt to balance himself. He needed up having to just stand against the wall, putting all of his weight on the wall behind him instead of his feet.

"You want something to eat?" Some lady asked Gerard, her toddler running around her feet.

"Please.." He croaked, watching the lady rush into the café with her son.

Gerard couldn't help but smile at the niceness of this lady. She could be doing something else or spending her money on her son but she's getting food for Gerard.

She ran back out with a small muffin and cup of coffee for him.

"I don't know how you like your coffee so I just put some cream and sugar in it." She smiled, handing the items to Gerard who took them gratefully, eating the muffin slowly because last time he ate in a rush he ended up puking it all out a few hours after.

"Thank you, so so much." He smiled, watching the lady walk away with her son.

He devoured the muffin a bit quicker than he should have and drank almost half the coffee in a few gulps.

He rested his head against the wall of the apartment building and sipped the coffee every few minutes, enjoying the drink because he didn't really know when he would get another one.

"Aww poor thing." Gerard heard some old lady tell to her grandson after looking at Gerard.

Gerard stretched out his legs and tried standing up again, his joints in his legs audibly popping as he stabilized his movements. He took a step and felt his legs wobble a bit but he was fine. His right leg was still pretty messed up but he didn't mind the limp as long as he could walk in general.

He started walking to the small corner store not too far away from the apartment building and ignored the weird looks people gave him. He looked homeless. His hair was matted and messy, he smelled pretty bad, he was covered in dirt, his shirt had holes in it and his jeans were tattered.

"Get out of the street bum!" Someone yelled, throwing a can in Gerard's direction. He completely ignored them and continued his walk over to the corner store to get some more food for the rest of the week.

When Gerard stepped into the store, the cashier's eyes went to him, staring at his attire up and down and shaking her head. She already knew what he was in for.

"Hey, dude." She said, leaving her place and walking over to where Gerard was in the front of the store.

"I've been waiting for you to come over here because there's a soup kitchen not too far from here and they'll give you some food and water so you don't have to steal it." She smiled, reaching in her pocket for some folded piece of paper that she handed to Gerard.

"There are some directions and I tried being as detailed as possible but I'm sure the walk isn't that much. It does take about 30 minutes to get there by car so I'm not really sure if that's the same time with walking or like drastically more." She said, giving Gerard a forced smile and walking back to her post, Gerard shouting a quick 'thank you' from his wrecked voice before leaving the store.

Gerard wanted to go to jail. He wanted to steal the things so she would call the cops because hey, at least they have food and water and a shower there. He doesn't have to worry about when he was going to get his next meal or if he was going to die in the next week because he didn't have any water.

But at the same time, while he does want to go to jail to be fed, stealing and doing illegal things don't really suit Gerard and even when he just steals an apple he feels incredibly guilty and wants to put it back but he doesn't because his stomach usually growls around the same time the guilt sets in.

He looked down at the sheet of paper and saw the name of the soup kitchen and some pretty decent directions. It was as if she was writing down everything she was doing in the car as she drove there and Gerard knew that if it was 30 minutes away by car it'll probably be like four hours or more walking, especially how slow he walks and how he has to take a break every few minutes because his leg starts throbbing after a while.

He walked back to the apartment building and practically fell down on the floor rubbing his thigh because _fuck -_ it really was throbbing right now and Gerard actually felt tears start to form in his eyes from the pain in his leg.

Gerard was pretty sure he broke or sprained something but, in his thigh? He wasn't a doctor or anything but he was still fairly confused as to why it hurt him so much for so long.

Maybe at the soup kitchen they'll have something to help.

Gerard didn't know when he wanted to go to the soup kitchen. His leg was throbbing really badly right now and while the pain usually lasted for a few minutes, he knew he won't be able to stand up without pain erupting in his thigh for a few days.

He stuffed the paper in his jean pocket leaning back against the wall as he felt his eyelids grow heavier and heavier.

-

Gerard woke up to water droplets hitting him on the face. It was raining and it was nighttime. Gerard rushed out on the sidewalk, seeing no one around and he felt the rain get heavier and heavier but hey, it was a free shower.

He felt the water hit his skin and he turned around, letting it soak through his clothes because the rain is pretty much the closest thing to a shower he ever got.

He tried wiping the dirt marks on his skin away but felt the rain begin to lighten up and Gerard groaned a bit to himself because he wanted more rain. He needed a shower, even if doing this was bad for his health or some shit, he really didn't care. When your homeless you stop caring about your health and just try to survive.

Gerard opened his mouth and gathered the few raindrops he could in his mouth and swallowed them down, trying to clean his face as well as the dirt skids on his arm.

The rain eventually subsided completely, leaving Gerard soaking wet and next to a wet dumpster, his thigh aching from when he randomly rushed to stand up and get into the pouring rain. His stomach was growling again, the muffin he ate earlier left it wanting more food but he just couldn't provide for it.

He went to the other side of the dumpster where no one could see him and curled up into a ball and began to sob. The huger pains were already becoming too much and he had enough of his life, but what was he to do? He can't fix any of it. He ruined his life for himself and no one can fix.

Gerard missed being in a warm bed, being with a family that cared, being with anyone who actually gave two fucks about his health but he doesn't have that anymore. He let it all go for what? Gerard truly hated himself for leaving because all of this really could've been avoided if he would've made better choices, but he didn't because he's a fucking idiot.

He continued to sob until his head started to hurt, his mind beginning to shut down as he let himself fall back asleep, the only place for him to escape from his terrible life.


	3. The Journey, Prep.

Gerard woke up to the sound of someone yelling at him - a police  officer screaming at him to move from his little space on the side of  the apartment building and relocate.

Gerard quickly scurried away, having brought nothing because _well_ \- he _had nothing_.

Gerard  kept running, looking from side to side of some alleyway he could spend  the night in, his leg throbbing persistently, but he continued on, not  wanting to anger the police.

Gerard knew that prison was probably a  better life than being homeless but he was so scared of prison and so  scared of police he didn't want to seem like he was being too  disrespectful to them when they have done a lot already.

Gerard  had a big thing for respect. His grandmother taught him at a very young  age to always respect your elders and people in positions of power as  well as everyone else and Gerard had followed that rule and now that he  has ran away, he still is going to follow it.

It's become more of a  habitual thing than anything else. He just automatically has respect  for people because he wants respect back. He knows now that no one will  give him respect because he's homeless but he sure as hell can try and  find that one lovely person that's willing to show Gerard even the  tiniest amount of respect.

His leg was throbbing uncontrollably  right now, the constant throb causing his whole leg to hurt even more  than it already has been causing him to collapse onto his knees on the  side of the street. He scurried off into the alleyway that was there and  watched the rats scatter away from him as he laid against the wall.

He  didn't want to live like this, he hated this. He wanted to just have a  normal life like everyone else. He wanted to know that he was going to  have food everyday and be able to drink clean water. He wanted to not  have to worry about dying soon because lack of essential nutrients in  his body.

This wasn't the way anyone should live. It was terrible and he hated the fact that he has to suffer like this everyday.

He  doesn't even stink anymore. Well at least to him he doesn't. He doesn't  know whether or not his nose just got used to the foul stench of his  own body after not showering for ages, or it just went away. It doesn't  even matter to him anymore, he doesn't know how much longer he has to  live or if he will even need to smell decent for anything because _well -_ he's homeless.

Gerard  has also began to think more and more about that soup kitchen the store  clerk told him about. He still has the paper in his pocket. It's a  little damp from the rain but it's still readable.

Going  to a soup kitchen seemed like an amazing idea considering they have  food for him and he wouldn't have to worry about starving for that day  at least. But it was way too far for Gerard to walk in one day. It would  definitely be a long trip for him and he knew it, but he also knew he  needed food soon so he would have to make the trip if he wanted to live  any longer.

Gerard was starting to wonder that as  well. Does he even want to live? There's literally no point. No one  even cares for him. He's been missing for the longest time and none of  his family members or the few friends he had even attempted looking for  him. No one really cared and if he were to die it would be the same as  it was when he ran away.

There was no point in  living but he couldn't do anything about it, he just had to deal with it  whether he liked it or not. He was too scared to kill himself even  though he was already slowly dying because of the lack of nutrition but  he didn't want to speed up the process either.

There  was just something inside of him that told him he needed to keep going.  That one day a little glimmer of happiness will shine in his life and  he is going to wait for that day even if it kills him.

How  desperate he was for happiness was truly pathetic, but what else do you  expect him to want other than food and water? Yes those may be the only  things constantly on his mind, but most of those tears that are from  the hunger pains are also from the lack of love he's gotten.

No  one really cares for homeless people. No one ever shows them love. They  may buy them some food or give them water, but they never really show  forms of love to them. _In fact_ \- many people that do give to  the homeless usually do this to make them feel better about themselves.  They really could care less about the homeless people because they have a  decent life and they don't have to worry about how close death is for  them.

Something was telling Gerard he needed to  start walking to the soup kitchen. The directions were still in his  reach and they were very detailed. He knows his body will be able to  manage the trip, he's been weeks with little to no food and that muffin  he got yesterday was enough for him to last on for a few days.

With  a heavy sigh he reached into his pocket for the soggy paper of  directions, thanking god to himself for the ink not smearing and still  being readable.

"Walk down Revera street, turn right on Commerce.  Seems simple enough." He muttered to himself after viewing all the  directions quickly and seeing how simple they sounded.

He looked on the ground and saw something paper, and green.

Money!

"Holy  shit." He smiled, bending down and picking up the five dollar bill,  pain shooting up his leg and causing him to fall down on the floor, one  hand clutching his thigh.

"Can't be happy for one damn second." He  groaned, trying to stand up with his legs wobbling eventually causing  his knees to lock and allowing him to stay up.

He started walking  towards the corner store, a dull throb residing in his thigh as he  reached the front doors, walking in as people stared at him.

He  grabbed some bottled water and some random canned food and a loaf of  bread, knowing the total of the items was going to be a bit more than  just five dollars, but the cashier was nice to him and he was  hoping  she would give him a little slack with this.

He had to admit  walking up to the line and the people cringing in disgust or rolling  their eyes at him hurt because he was fucking human, he just made bad  choices.

"Oh hey honey, how ya holding up?" The cashier smiled, bagging the items without even scanning them.

"I-I had money for that." Gerard stammered, slightly taken back by her actions.

"Shh, it's our little secret okay? Keep your money, you might need it in an  emergency." She whispered, handing the bags to Gerard.

"Also  take some of these." The cashier said, grabbing a box of generic pain  killers, "I know that leg must be killing you. Two a day and you should  be good."

"Thank you, thank you so much."  Gerard smiled, his heart soaring as he felt tears form in his eyes. He  never met someone who was that nice to him.

"You're welcome. Now get going to that soup kitchen." She smiled, watching Gerard as he walked out the door.

"You can't do that!" The man that was standing behind Gerard growled, a scowl present on his chapped lips.

"He's  homeless. That's the most he's going to get for a while so hush up."  She snapped back, the mans face filled with some form of disgust.

"He  should get a job." He sneered, the cashier sending him a rude look  before responding, "you wouldn't understand because you have a home and  food every day. You have everything he wants. Stop complaining because I  allowed him to have six dollars worth of food."

"I'd like to speak with your manager." The man asked, the cashier smirking slightly.

"You're speaking with her right now."


	4. The Journey

He was walking like a dead man; constant pace were his steps and his eyes blinked every now and then when they would get dry enough. He had been walking for a good two hours and it had definitely taken a toll on his stamina. His legs were beginning to shake with the amount of pain they were feeling. He had never walked this much before and his body was barley able to adjust.

His mind was set on going as far as his legs could go, the pain in his calves and heels was becoming a bit overpowering, but he was determined to walk until he fell down. He knew he could do it, he just wasn't too sure about how long it was going to take.

He knew to make a right up on the sidewalk of Johnson street and cross the street over to the old bar that closed down a few years ago, but he wasn't sure if he could make it that far today, he started paying more attention to the pain that was inhabiting itself in his thigh and realized how sore he really was.

He started walking towards an alley he could spend the night in seeing as the sun still may be out, his legs were on the verge on giving out as well so he knew it was the best time for a break.

Suddenly, violent pain shot up his leg and resided in his thigh, the force too intense for his limbs to hold him up any longer and caused him to fall down, his hands quickly going down to nurse the throbbing organ as the pain tore through his body causing a violent shudder to erupt in his body.

He scooted back towards the trees there and pressed his head against the bark there, not even caring about whatever bugs and other creatures that could be running around there and on him at that very moment.

He sighed deeply and clutched his leg again, a burning sensation residing not only there but also in his side now. All the sensations he was feeling had something relative to pain; he walked _too_ much, but he couldn't help it, I mean _come on_ \- he needed some food that wasn't just some bread he had and the can of beans he already devoured before he left for the trip.

He closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep with his head resting on the tree, trying his hardest to ignore the throbbing sensation in his thigh and more on how exhausted he was from all the walking he did earlier and eventually while the pain never subsided, he did and he managed to fall asleep against the tree.

Sleeping was one of the things that took him away from all the hunger pains he faced throughout the day, the constant want of his old life back. He thinks about his grandma and what she might be doing right now, he thinks about his younger brother Mikey even though he died in that house fire with Gerard's parents.

Gerard really missed the little dude, he often thinks about the one time Gerard had to tell Mikey to stay strong and that the monster in his closet wasn't going to eat him. One of the few things that actually made a smile appear on Gerard's face was whenever he thought about his family.

He misses his old life more than he missed anything his whole life. He never meant to have done that and ruin his life the way he did, _hell -_ he can't even remember why he left in the first place. You never truly appreciate everything you have until you lose it and while it took Gerard having to lose it all for him to finally realize that, he knows it now.

Ever since he left he had became increasingly depressed and it just became worse as the years progressed on and eventually he began slowly losing any glimmer of hope he had for a better life. He would go back if he could but he had walked way too far and doesn't know where to go and Gerard knows getting help from strangers was by far going to be the worst decision ever considering some people won't even look at him because of his poverty-stricken attire.

He would go back and fix it but a time machine would be the only way he would be able too. He could've actually went to college and gotten a job for himself but he decided that running away would be better than staying and dealing with whatever the problem was at the time.

To this day he would never understand when running away became a better decision than just having to deal with whatever was happening at home.

~

Gerard was awoken by a call of his name, having moved the sheet from over his body and off to the side of his bed as he stood up and popped his bones audibly, the scent of fresh food filling his nostrils as he heard his pale chubby tummy growl with hunger. 

He put on a pair of pants and rushed down the stairs to his grandmother who was cooking something on the stove for Gerard and her.

"How was school yesterday baby?" She asked, getting a few plates from the cupboard and pulling them down for the two, filling them up with whatever she was cooking.

"It was great grandma." Gerard smiled, grabbing the plates from his grandma and placing them on the table as he grabbed some silverware from the drawers next to the fridge.

"Can you get me some water honey? You can have whatever you like, grandma just needs her glass of water for the day." His grandma giggled to herself as she took a seat on one end of the table.

Gerard came back with the glasses, having gotten water for himself as well because it was more convenient that having to rush back to his room for a soda he had hidden down there.

He picked up his fork, about to dig in to the lovely food his grandma had prepared before she stopped him.

"Say grace Gerard, don't be an animal." She chuckled to herself, the small giggle causing Gerard to release one of his own.

"Yes grandma," Gerard smiled, clearing his throat and clasping his hands together in front of his as he recited the old prayer he had memorized.

"Amen." He said, finally grabbing his fork and pushing it into the rice that was on his plate, picking it up to his mouth about to take a bite when he woke up - _again._

"Fuck." He cried, tears pouring down his face as he felt the bark of the tree dig in the bare skin of his back where his clothes had ridden up a bit.

He gave all of that away, he ruined everything he had in his life and the realization of it all was hitting him at full force right now.

It was all a mistake.


	5. The Journey Part II

He had been walking for a while, the burning sensation in his thigh had only increased, but the way his stomach rumbled, begging for food and water, him having scarfed down most of the food he got within the first day being so hungry, he was stuck with a few pieces of bread and a water bottle. 

He was following the directions as best he could, but it was starting to seem pointless to him, maybe the lady that gave him the directions was just playing some sick prank on him and instead of him going to a soup kitchen like he wanted, she sent him to some place crazy like the desert or something.

Yes - while there's not a desert for another few hundred miles, Gerard was still scared that once he reached the end of this map - if, he reaches the end of this map that is, he will still be hungry and thirsty and be too far away from any place willing to help him out.

He knew that it would be a good time to sit down for a bit considering the burning pain in his thigh was now feeling cold, but still achy, he continued on, his destination clear in his mind and in fact - it was probably the only thing on his mind.

The limp he had been walking with towards the beginning of the journey had only grew worse as time progressed on, the limp going from barley noticeable to him practically flopping on his good foot with every step.

He kept his head up though, he wanted to walk a little more before yet another break. With all the breaks he had been taking, it wasn't a shock that he was barley getting past the midway amount of directions he was given, he was walking pretty slow and stopping every few seconds to clutch onto his leg and mentally curse it before continuing then on.

He wished he had something to aid him when walking because all the sticks he would see on the ground that seemed to be long enough were either too flimsy or broken with sharp edges and not a dull end he could use. He often wanted to think that somehow he was just going to look up and see a cane that someone had left on the ground but knowing him and knowing his luck, that was something he was never going to be fortunate of. 

He was already tired and sleepy, wanting nothing more than to lay down and relax and let his leg pain slowly ebb away, but the constant screaming coming from his stomach from its lack of food was something that let him know he indeed needed to continue on no matter how bad he wanted to sleep.

He really wished some people would take pity on him because he was in fact a child. A scared child who wanted nothing more than what any human wanted. Love.

He truly was a broken individual, having breakdowns every second his mind thought of his family members who once were alive and once gave him love. He often cries when he thinks about all the damn mistakes he's made and how one big one had landed him where he is now.

He messed up, he made terrible, terrible mistakes and you'd be wrong if you thought he wasn't going to regret this for the rest of his life.

Gerard often thinks about whenever he was younger and him, Mikey, and his mother would be going around the town buying goods and such and whenever they would see a homeless man or woman they usually ignored them, unless their mother gave the person money or some of the food they bought, and now Gerard understands what those people were going through, he feels the hunger pains and the constant craving of water and food, he understands how the rain is their only shower and the wind is their only air conditioning. The scraps on the floor or given to him by generous people is the only food he could have for a week or two maybe.

Everything Gerard had taken for granted when he was younger he was seriously hating himself for now. The simple things people don't think about being lucky for, Gerard feels lucky he had gotten to experience it one time in his life, and yes he knows that it's his fault that he's in this situation, but he would give anything - anything, to go back to the way things were before he ran away.

It was a warmer day today, not as cold as yesterday and there were kids in a community swimming pool he had passed not too long ago - in fact, that's a direction on the map, only a few more places and landmarks to pass by before he gets to the soup kitchen.

He often thought about the soup kitchen in fantasies his mind conjured up when his stomach was growling so loudly he was sure everyone around him could hear it. People often gave him dirty looks when he passed by them but he didn't mind, he was way over that part of his life considering the amount of worse things that had happened to him.

His everything was hurting. His legs, his arms, his side, his thigh, his heart. He wasn't in any type of condition to do anything other than sit down and cry, in fact - that's all he wanted to do, he just was done with everything and anything he was having to go through.

He still continued to walk through the grass and up the small hill he had to climb. He had been preparing himself for the pain he was sure to experience a whole lot of it making his legs climb that uphill area. He was already growing tired, his limbs were shaking at this point due to how weak they were getting.

He wanted to make it up the hill and drag himself over to the tree at the top of the hill so he could stop and rest. He tried to psyche himself out into thinking that nothing was wrong with his leg and that he could climb this hill like it was nothing, but a few steps in, he was already in morbid pain. 

"Fuck," he gasped under his breath, pain shooting up his entire leg as he felt tears form in his eyes. He kept pressing on, doing the best he could to ignore the pain in his leg. "Come on Gerard come on." He growled at himself, practically throwing his body up to the top of the hill, just a few feet away from the tree. 

Gerard noticed just how close he was to the tree and began to smile, until he realized, he left his water bottle down on the bottom of the hill. He groaned so loud it turned into scream and eventually gave up and scooted his weak and fragile body over underneath the tree. 

He pushed his head against the tree and let the tears that were still in his eyes from that horrid walk up the hill just pour down his face. He clutched his thigh and squeezed his eyes shut as he tried desperately to soothe the pain.


	6. Matty meets both of them now

"The Pythagorean theorem is a fundamental relation in Euc- Eucil? How do you say that Mr. Iero?" Matty asked, attempting to read the complex word written on the paper.

"Euclidean, Healy." Frank smiled up at the boy with the big oversized glasses that made him look like snobby kid when he was actually fairly sweet.

"What's that mean?" Matty asked, pushing his glasses up on his nose with his nose slightly scrunched and his eyebrows knotted together gently.

"Well it's denoting the-"

"Postulates. Just think of it as that Matty." Steve piped in, knowing Mr. Iero's elaborate definitions tend to confuse the poor boy.

"Oh, makes sense." Matty smiled, looking back down at his text book.

The bell then rang, alerting students to leave the classroom, picking up the small sheets of homework on the way out that Frank had made a habit of leaving there so the kids could grab one on the way out of they didn't have time for it during class.

"Fuckin' kids." Frank scoffed once the last person left. He didn't hate the kids but he could always sense their undeniable want to leave almost as soon as they would sit down in his class.

Frank sat down at his desk, rubbing his eyes gently, trying not to fuck up the contact lenses he had just started wearing but they always made his eyes feel weirdly dry something and he didn't know how to fix it.

"Mr. Iero?" Frank heard someone at the door say, but he was still rubbing his eyes at that current moment so he grumbled a quick 'hmm' as a response.

"When are your uh, tutoring days?" The voice asked sheepishly, hesitation and embarrassment clear.

Frank finally stopped rubbing his eyes to see a nervous Matty standing in front of him, his glasses down to the middle of his nose instead of high up like they normally are and his hands fidgeting by his sides.

"I have one after school today, do you need that?"

"Yeah I just can't seem to grasp some of the concepts." Matty trailed off, fear of sounding foolish evident in his voice.

"Hey don't beat yourself up kid, I'll help you out. That's why I'm here." Frank chuckled, rubbing his eye once more, the weird drying sensation causing his eyes to get a bit itchy too.

"Contacts giving you problems?" Matty asked sweetly a soft chuckle escaping his mouth as he watched Frank struggle to make his eyes feel normal.

"Yeah, they suck."

"That's why I chose glasses." Matty laughed, grabbing his bag and heading out the door, waving a goodbye to Frank who had one eye open and the other eye being covered by his hand.

"Maybe I should go back to glasses." Frank said after getting his eyes to stop burning and itching.

-

"Fuck-" Gerard groaned, falling over on the ground as little kids walked by laughing.

His calve started cramping, and it was such terrible pain he's never felt before. His leg was involuntarily contracting and his muscles were just tensing up causing vicious pain to erupt throughout the entire bottom half of his leg.

"What the fuck!" He screamed in frustration, massaging his calve quickly and shaking it, trying to get the cramp to go away because it really, really fucking hurt.

"A-are you okay?" A timid voice asked, but Gerard's eyes were snapped shut as he began to cry in pain.

Finally the pain began to subside and he only felt soreness. He opened his eyes to see a boy with glasses and curly hair in front of him with a concerned look.

"Yeah, just a bad cramp in my leg." Gerard said, still rubbing his calve gently.

"Did you just come out of school?" Matty asked, noticing how young Gerard was.

"I don't go to school. I don't even have a house." Gerard said timidly, starting to grasp his stuff to continue walking.

"Aren't you like 16?" Matty questioned, adjusting his backpack on his slumped shoulders.

Gerard internally snickered and brushed some of the dirt off the back of his jeans.

"Nope I'm 18. And I don't have anyone to take me to school." He replied starting to walk away from the boy.

"Hey wait!" Matty said, running up to Gerard.

"Where are you trying to go? We can take the bus. I'll pay for you." Matty smiled, placing a hand on Gerard's shoulder.

"I'm trying to go to a soup kitchen."

"There's one a little ways away that way, we can wait for the bus together, they always stop by there."

Gerard simply nodded his head and followed Matty over to the bus stop area where they sat next to each other on a cold bench.

"How did you become homeless? Like what happen- fuck that sounds really insensitive I-"

"It's fine, uh-" Gerard began to quickly try and conjour up some random excuse that seemed plausible for someone his age to run away. "I was having problems at home."

"I'm sorry man. I have money I can give you? You need some?" Matty offered, sticking his hand in his pocket to pull out his wallet before Gerard dismissed his offer completely.

"You're too kind thank you, but I'm fine." He smiled weakly at the boy who put his wallet in his pocket.

"The bus is coming, get your stuff so we can get in." Matty smiled, grabbing his book he set next to him and stretching as he stood up.

"Thank you, for everything." Gerard said, a smile starting to spread on his face, thankful for the small amount of people that are still good in the world.

"What kind of problems if you don't mind me asking?" Matty inquired, sitting next to Gerard who was looking around the bus at the few people on it.

"What?" He asked, forgetting the lame excuse he said earlier.

"The problems that made you run away?" Matty asked questioningly, looking at Gerard with a confused look on his face.

"Oh, yeah that, just lots of yelling and I never really got any love."

Gerard felt so terrible putting such a bad reputation with his parents name because they were honestly amazing parents and gave Mikey and gerard so much love they wouldn't want it sometimes, but he didn't want to just tell this random stranger the truth, wasn't like he was ever gonna see the kid again.

"So sorry to hear that mate, well I'll make sure to stop the bus by the soup kitchen, so you don't have to walk much considering that leg of yours looks pretty beat up." Matty said, pointing towards Gerard's messed up thigh.

"Yeah, never knew what was actually wrong with it, just hurts from time to time." Gerard chuckled softly, his hand going down to gently rub his thigh.

"You should get that checked out soon, could be something bad you know?"

"Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing." Gerard dismissed, watching Matty quickly reach up and pull the yellow cord to stop the bus driver at the soup kitchen.

"There's your stop man, good luck to ya." Matty smiled and got up so Gerard has easy access to get out.

"Thank you, really, for everything." Gerard smiled, getting out of the bus and thanking the bus driver as well.

He made it.


	7. Gerard's First Meal

He walked into the small soup kitchen and could smell the beautiful scent of something he hadn't had in a while; a nice hot meal.

"Welcome to Daisy's soup kitchen, I'm Beth, and you are?"

"Hungry." Gerard stated, the only thing on his mind being food.

"Very well then!" Beth chuckled, sitting Gerard down next to this man with a grey plaid blanket wrapped around him.

"I'm James. They're gonna take real good care of you." The man smiled, a few of his teeth missing but the gesture warmed Gerard's heart so much. This man who looked so beat up and sad, had such a huge smile on his face and seemed to be making the best out of whatever his situation.

"I'm Gerard and that's very comforting to know." Gerard giggled, shifting in his seat as a tall man with multiple tattoos covering his hands and neck put a bowl of soup in front of him.

"Don't eat this too quickly, you don't want to throw it up later and plus, it'll make you feel really bad." The man smiled, pulling out a spoon from his apron.

"Thank you sir." Gerard smiled, quickly taking a spoonful of the soup, not even caring that it was scorching hot.

"You're welcome." The man smiled and went back to work.

"That's Frank, and the blonde one is Brenda. Those two have been working here for god knows how long and they never get paid but they still do it." James smiled, taking some soup from his bowl on the small white plastic spoon he had.

"They seem nice." Gerard said half heartedly, not paying attention to James and focusing on his food and trying not to pick up the bowl and dump it all down his throat because fuck - he was so hungry.

"Boy be careful, you're stomachs gonna hurt if you keep eating at that pace." James warned, taking another slurp of his soup.

"Sorry I'm just hungry."

"They all are honey, we're all here for the same reason." James smiled.

"You're awfully young Gerard, how old are you?" James asked, turning a bit to face Gerard better.

Gerard paused. Looking off into the distance as he thought about what his age was.

He forgot.

"I'm not sure." He said glumly, looking down, "it's been that long." He sighed, feeling his emotions cascade downward and his mood plummeting.

"Hey suga', it's all good here. Half of us probably barley even remember our own names!" He chuckled, causing a small grin to perk up on Gerard's lips.

"Yeah.."

"You want some water? Ask frank over there, he'll get ya a nice cold bottle. It is a bit hot out there." James laughed, deep and slow almost - his voice was soothing, kind of like a gentle river, only the sound instead of it itself.

"Uh, what do I-"

"Say no more," James said, "I'll do it for ya."

"Hey, Frank?" James called out, the man with tattoos littering his visible body parts coming over with a fresh smile on his face like he had just heard the best news of his life.

"What can I do you for, James?" Frank smiled, somehow making the one he already had bigger and seemed much more happier than before.

"Get this young man some water, he needs it."

"Sure thing!" Frank complied, before quickly skipping along his merry way to where they kept the water.

He came back quickly, with two in hand - the other, presumably, for James.

"Here you go son, drink slowly, you can hurt your stomach if you chug it." Warned James as he handed Gerard the cold water bottle.

"Thank you, and um, thank you." Gerard said to Frank, using his weak mouth muscles to plaster on a smile that he thought could pass off as genuine for a split second.

"You're welcome, you seem a bit young - how old are you?" Frank asked, taking a seat next to James and rubbing his eye.

"Poor boy don't remember," James interjected, Gerard giving a gentle bob of his head to assure that he said the truth.

"Aww, you look really young, when was the last time you went to school?"

"Oh Frank," James chuckled, "you always trying to give everyone an education."

"Ya see here boy, Frank is a school teacher, for kids probably your age. Whenever we have teenagers or kids come in here, Frank always be teachin' them somethin' or tryin' to get them to go to school."

"I can't help it!" Frank playfully shouted, "all children deserve an education."

"I didn't really like school. Everyone was so mean to me. Always been the outcast." Gerard spoke softly, his voice quivering a bit as he took another slurp of his soup.

"So was Frank. Listen here boy, I'll tell you I know school can be hard - 'specially when all people do is make fun of ya' but, that's life." James said, drinking some of his water.

"Yes sir." Gerard stated, already starting to see James as more of a father figure than anyone had ever been to him even though they just met.

"If you ever want to go to school again, tell me. I'll get you into the school I work at," Frank paused and grinned before continuing, "we'll get you all cleaned up, clothed, fed, and ready. Don't you worry."

Gerard nodded his head at Frank and looked down at his soup - now gone. He grabbed his plastic spoon and started scraping around the bottom, eating whatever was left before he was interrupted by Brenda who was putting some fresh soup in front of him.

He quietly thanked her and started eating, not even paying attention to the conversation James and Frank were having considering it was in a language Gerard had never heard of.


	8. A New Feeling

Gerard finished his bowl of food and leaned forward to rest his head on the table. His leg was throbbing the entire time but he hadn't noticed till now. It was unbearably painful but he couldn't do much about it. It was killing him to just leave it there but I mean what was a man to do? The pain killers didn't do jack squat.

Frank had taken a notice to Gerard's pained expressions. Noticing how he was gripping his thigh. He scooted a bit closer to Gerard and tapped his shoulder.

"Everything okay with your leg?" He asked after Gerard had picked his head up. Gerard didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to go to the hospital - that costs money. He doesn't want to burden someone else with the bills either. So he had to just deal with it like he has been for a while.

"Yeah, I just fell earlier." Gerard lied, taking in a deep breath as Frank obviously saw right through him but decided to not press on. He got up out of the little bench and motioned for Gerard to follow him.

"Where are we going sir?" Gerard asked his limp getting increasingly worse with each few steps he took, causing more pain to shoot up his leg into his lower rib causing his side to hurt.

"You need a shower - and the names Frank. I only get called sir at school and frankly boy, we aren't at school." He chuckled, guiding Gerard into this small cement encased area of the building that had little boxes of soap and curtains with little fish on them.

"Let's get you out of those clothes, okay? I'll get you some fresh ones while you're showering." Frank smiled, helping Gerard out of his clothes and respectfully never staring a bit more than he had too.

Gerard was literally naked and Frank rushed over to the shower to turn it on. "You can go in when you're ready, I'll get you clothes and a towel for when you get out. Make sure you grab some soap and shampoo before you step in." He said, pointing over at the boxes that contained the cleaning materials.

Gerard said a quick thank you before he grabbed them and started making his way over to the shower, first only sticking his hand in to feel the temperature of the water - it was already warm.

He stepped in and the sensation was indescribable. He felt the warm rush of the water cover his body and the gentle touch of the droplets on his skin made him actually moan with satisfaction as he felt all of his worries melt away.

In that moment he wasn't homeless, he wasn't even himself. He was enjoying something so small and simple. He stood there for a good few minutes, feeling the water cascade over his body, enjoying every single last bit of it. The water feeling like hot streams running down his body in a way that can't be described other than - relaxing.

He smiled - actually smiled. He felt an actual smile spread across his face and for a few seconds, a few glorious hope filled seconds he felt happiness. True happiness. Something he can't remember feeling.

Frank had walked in right before Gerard stepped in, having already put his old clothes in the trash and giving him some new ones ready, and a fresh towel.

Gerard finally stopped standing there and soaking up the water and snapped back to reality, grabbing the soap and cleaning off random spots of dirt on his body and cleaning up his face. He hated the way he smelled and now this was helping it go away.

He cleaned himself up and was disgusted with himself when he looked down and saw actual black on the floor from all the dirt and grime that his body has accumulated. He went to clean his hair and felt all the knots and dirt in it, knowing this was going to take more than just one rinse to clean up.

A good two hours had past before Gerard had finally finished washing up, walking out and nearly falling back when he saw Frank standing there ready with a towel.

Frank let out a small chuckle, handing the towel over to Gerard. "The clothes are there and when you're done you can come back outside." Frank said, making his way out of the showering area.

"Then what?" Gerard said, taking the towel and drying off his soaked body.

"That is up to you." Frank said, walking away from the entrance.

Gerard finished drying off and contemplated what Frank met when he said that. Gerard put on the clothes Frank provided for him and while they were a bit too big - they were new clothes.

Gerard walked out and everyone in there was already gone - even james. Only Frank was left and he was in the kitchen washing up pots and pans.

"Frank?" Gerard said, walking into the room with the wet towel in hand, seeing the man in the kitchen and heading over in that direction.

"You can leave the wet towel in the shower room. Then come back out." Frank instructed, looking as if he was finishing up the last pan and putting it away.

Gerard plopped the towel down on the tile floor and hear the weird smack of it when it hit the floor. When he walked back out, Frank was at the front door, holding the door open for Gerard.

"So kid, this is where you can go back to wherever, or you can come with me to my house and sleep on an actual bed." Frank smiled, still holding the door open.

"Um," Gerard said, not feeling too comfortable with that idea and while it sounded so great to actually sleep in a house rather than outside, he still wanted to stay outside. He didn't want to admit it - but he was scared of Frank. He didn't know what he was capable of.

"No I'm okay." Gerard said, looking down and walking out the door in front of Frank, keeping his eyes locked to the floor.

"That's okay. Come back tomorrow though okay? I won't be here until later on that day but there are really nice workers here." Frank said in a reassuring voice, causing Gerard's nerves to die down a bit.

Gerard whispered a thank you and smiled a bit, turning around and starting to walk away. For some reason though - something was nagging him to go with Frank. It was eating at him for a few seconds and right when he mustered up the courage to say he did want to go with Frank, he was already pulling out of the driveway and leaving.

"Next time.." Gerard said. "Next time."


	9. Frank Starts Thinking And Gerard Feels Pain

Frank made his way home after a long day of volunteering at the soup kitchen. It was his favourite thing to do. He loved talking with each of those people, all from different walks of life, all with different wants and beliefs and all interesting to Frank.

The first time he had started working there was just because he wanted something to do after his day job. He loved helping students and well, people in general, so he thought this would be such a nice thing for him to do. The first time he saw a kid that looked to be the same age as the kids he taught at school he knew that this was something he wanted to do.

He remembers that kid. Stephen. He was such a sweet kid. He only spoke Swedish, but Frank new enough to talk with the child. His adoptive parents having abandoned him after gosh knows what happened. But he made Frank smile everyday. He one day just stopped showing up and Frank assumed two things, one more realistic and the other was quite morbid. But he tried to only focus on positives when he thought of Stephen. That kid was so amazing.

He always had such a passion for learning even though he had to get out of school at eight years old because him and his mother were kicked out of their apartment. Frank felt terrible for these people - his mother was the sweetest woman you'd ever meet. Unfortunately, once Stephen turned 17 his mother had passed away from lack of eating. Stephen had never noticed this but she would always feed him first, her child was first and once he was full and okay she'd have whatever was left.

Remembering the day Stephen had came in sobbing because his mother died brought tears to Frank's eyes and before he knew it, he was sobbing. That day was truly sad. Frank barley even knew the woman and his heart was torn. Completely ripped up and jammed onto a knife. He could barley even imagine what Stephen had felt like.

Even though Frank had barley knew his mother, she was so kind to him. Telling him stories about her and Stephen and them two have a good laugh over some random thing like a fight she saw on the street between two girls over a pair of shoes. He had grew a bond with both Stephen and his mother - considered them family even. But she was ripped out of their lives forever, and it still hurt to think about.

Frank walked into his house, taking off his small jacket and dropping it onto the couch that was to right of the entryway. He took a deep breath of air - his house always smelled like lavander and it would immediately relax him when he came home. He closed the door behind him, of course locking it as well, while stretching a bit causing himself to release a loud yawn.

"Kattdjur, come here!" Frank called to his kitten that was in the other room, grabbing the cat food from the cabinet and filling up the food bowl for the mewing kitten. Kattdjur is the Swedish word for feline, or cat, and Frank just loved the way it sounded.

He walked over to his small room after a while, rubbing his neck as he started to think about what had happened today. He was putting on some night clothes and grabbing the small stack of papers on his desk that was left of him to grade.

Halfway down the page of grading the 50th assignment that the teen who did it obviously didn't care, Frank's mind wandered to that Gerard kid that came in that day. Frank while not wanting to admit it found the kid quite attractive and he seemed so sweet. It made Frank sad knowing that something had happened in order to make that kid homeless.

Frank really wanted to teach the kid or have the kid spend the night like he had offered him. He just really didn't want the kid on the streets. Gerard was a kid to Frank, and he was on the street. Frank knew the streets well and knew it wasn't a place for someone like Gerard to be out by himself especially all night.

Frank released a loud sigh, looking down at the papers he still has to grade. "I hope that kids okay." Frank said, hearing his kitty coming into the room and jumping up onto the desk Frank was sitting at. "Aww, hey baby." He smiled, petting the little kitty.

-

Gerard woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. His stomach for once wasn't empty. He was hungry though and this time he didn't go too far from the soup kitchen so it wouldn't take that long for him to get back over there. His thigh was killing him though - a constant burning sensation resonating in the middle of his thigh causing him to wince whenever it slightly flared up.

"What the fuck is wrong with my leg?" He groaned, making an attempt to stand up using all he could around him to help him. Gerard's leg suddenly shot up with pain, all over was like millions of spikes slowly stabbing into his skin all at once but also individually at the same time. He screamed for a second - this was the most pain his leg has ever been in, but then it ceased. In fact - his whole leg was numb. He couldn't feel it anymore.

He looked around to see if anyone was around him, anyone or anything really to help him. He started crawling around the building he was behind to the side, seeing the soup kitchen right across the street from where he was.

"Hey boy!" A familiar voice called from not too far away, "need some help there?" The voice asked, Gerard turning to see and a smile spreading across his face when he realized it was James.

"Y-yeah please!" Gerard yelled back, his voice cracking in some places. His leg came back, and he could feel it. Oh could he feel it. Pain was shooting up his entire leg this time one hundred times worse than before it went numb. He started groaning in pain, a scream making its way out of his throat when he heard some steps running up behind him.

Then he blacked out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi kat here, theres a lot of graphic detail here bc gerard goes through this thing called anesthesia awareness, it's when patients seem unresponsive and asleep while under anesthetic but they are actually awake and can feel everything that's happening to them.

He slowly awoke, a bright light shining in his face and the sounds of people talking and wheels rolling on the floor were echoing off the hallow hospital halls. His leg still had a sharp pain in it and he winced and tried to make a grab for his leg - something he's all too used to doing, when he heard someone scream something. His brain wasn't functioning well enough to make out what it was but he could feel the pace of whatever he was laying on go fifty times faster, causing him to lose the air in his lungs for a second or too, causing him to black out for a few seconds before coming too again.

"Patient isn't responsive, patient 249A7 isn't responsive." Gerard heard a female voice say. He felt himself being lifted off and placed on a much more bouncy type of material - he didn't know what it was but his brain was too exhausted to open his eyes and look. His body felt as if he had just been drained of all mental and physical energy that he couldn't even open his eyes because he had no mental motivation. It was as if the receptors in his brain weren't working and he wasn't able to control any part of his body.

He felt a sharp pain in his arm and let out a hiss - at least he thought he did. He kept feeling pricks and spikes all over his arm and then a small one in his leg. He tried listening to what the people were saying. "Patient is under anesthetic, surgery is beginning."

Gerard began to panic. He wasn't asleep, he just couldn't move or react. But he could feel. He can feel the sharp stinging sensation that's the doctor cutting open his leg. His entire lower half was on fire, he can feel his own blood dripping down from his leg. He started screaming as much as he could but to no avail, he felt all the pokes and moving and it felt like fucking hell.

Each little cut, each incision, sting after sting, it felt like a constant wound being re cut open and with each time the doctor would cut into a nerve, Gerard felt himself die on the inside a bit.

He could feel everything. His heart was racing and he was almost a hundred percent sure he was going to die. He could feel the doctor sawing into something - the pain becoming too much for him to handle on the inside he was sobbing, crying nonstop because the pain was so brutal.

He felt the snaps and breaks of each vein and nerve busted. The saw feeling grew worse and worse and the pain doubled and tripled and quadrupled each little movement that happened. He tried screaming for them to stop, his heart beating out of his chest, his body getting even weaker if that was even possible - but the pain was still there. The pain was still getting worse.

More mumbling erupted from the people causing all this pain to him, but he didn't care. He couldn't listen over his heart beating so loud in his ears. He couldn't breathe right and he felt as if he was on the verge of another panic attack. He could feel his insides convult and his heart pound against his chest in a manner only to be described as obscene and painful.

"Mass confirmed as cancerous, going to make a minimal incision on the tumor and pull out in pieces." The doctor stated, Gerard trying to twist and turn out of the doctors grasp, but even that was taking too much energy he didn't have. He felt the doctor cutting into the mass or whatever the fuck - he just felt it. And it hurt so bad.

"I can't handle this!" Gerard screamed, of course to no avail, his screams and pleas only going on in his head and actually never voiced out loud - because he simply just couldn't. The doctors were trying to just do their job because all they knew was that Gerard was under anesthesia, they had no clue he came too and could feel everything.

A nurse, finally came to the rescue. When Gerard heard those beautiful words coming from a loud stern voice he felt at peace, but the pain was still happening and he was sobbing internally. "So much pain." He cried in his mind.

"Patient is conscious, I repeat patient is conscious. We need an anesthesiologist stat!" The voice screamed again, repeating the last line over and over until Gerard felt another prick on his skin and a mask on his face - and he was out.

-

When Gerard came too he immediately jerked up, pain shooting up his back up to his ear causing his whole body to go hot before he fell back down on the lumpy bed and groaned in pain.

Flashes of what had happened to him plagued his mind. He could still feel everything that was happening. The pain so real and so intense he could feel himself crying, actually crying. Tears running down his face causing his cheeks to become soaked and his arms to get slightly wet. His palms began to sweat as he twisted and winced in the hospital bed, a number of things plugged into and around him.

"Sir, you need to fill out this medical form." He heard a small voice say, a click of a pen being heard. "Alright, I'll fill this out and turn it into the front desk?" A familiar voice said, causing Gerard to try and open his eyes, but all he could see were two blurs. He put his head back and tried falling asleep - but he just couldn't. His leg began to twitch with him thinking about the pain he was forced to endure.

He could still feel the doctor slicing open his skin, the sting that the air had on the insides of his legs. The snaps of each nerve. It was physically painful again without him having to endure them again. He kept crying, his eyes not stopping the tears flowing down his cheeks as he thought about the pain.

He couldn't take the thoughts anymore, he screamed - this time it was out loud, he felt the scream tear it's way out of his chest and it contained all of the pain and suffering he was feeling on the inside. He hated everything so much. He hated his leg and he barley knew who he was.

His leg began to beat, like a heart was placed in his chest and it was in the middle of a panic attack. It was a constant pulsating feeling, that was only pain with each beat, causing another distressed cry to rip its way through his body.

"You're okay." A hushed voice said, a soft warm hand being placed on the arm with an IV on it. The simple touch caused him to completely forget about the pain and try to open his eyes to see who was the person who had the angelic touch. Gerard could swear he didn't feel any pain at all anymore, but he can't open his eyes. Everything is just too bright.

"You're okay." The voice cooed again, suddenly moving their hand up to Gerard's forehead, causing him to somehow relax even more. He felt genuine love and peace in someone's touch. He was starting to feel very confused about the situation, his mind turning into mush when then the hand moved over to his thigh, right on the area he just had surgery on. He winced so hard his whole body convulsed, a soft pained groan escaped his lips.

"You're okay." For the third time the voice said, and for some reason; that's all Gerard needed. His heart started beating normally, his leg easing down with the pain, the bed he was laying on somehow feeling quite, well - soft. Like he was laying on satin covered feathers, it was pure heaven at the moment, right when he was feeling like hell.

"A-am I- d-d.." Gerard slowly trailed off, his voice slowly dissipating with each word said as he felt himself slowly fall back asleep. The warm, encasing, and enticing aura of slumber completely enrapturing his mind. He felt relaxed for once, truly happy and relaxed. Each bone in his body was relaxed. He barley even felt real.

It almost didn't feel real.


	11. Reliving the Nightmare with a Twist

Gerard awoke to him being in surgery again. He felt them cutting into his thigh again and he tried screaming - not this again. The pain is too much for him to handle the first time and there was no way he dreamt that. He felt each inscision and each nerve break - it wasn't a vivid dream. It was true pain. He can't handle that again - not again.

He tried screaming but once again he felt the helplessness from the first time. He couldn't move and he felt as if he couldn't breathe either, his heart pounding in his chest.

He felt a gentle hand have a firm grasp on his shoulder. It was warm and tender, causing the pain he felt to subside and his heartbeat to subdue for the time being. The warm touch of whoever that was made him feel instantly comfortable. 

"Gerard? Gerard please wake up." A panicked voice said, as he felt motion on his shoulder as if someone was shaking him. He mustered up all the strength he could and jerked his body up in a weak attempt to wake himself up and being the weak attempt it was; it didn't work.

"Gerard, Gerard please." The voice said, sounding more feeble and shaky this time causing a surge of sadness to smother itself in Gerard making him feel just /that/ much weaker. He wanted so badly to be with that voice, tell that voice he was okay, he just wanted whoever was calling out to him to feel better and not cry. 

"Gerard! Please!" The voice screamed this time, a random surge of energy filling up Gerard's body and he forced his eyes open, bright white light hitting them and causing them to sting but the adrenaline rush he was feeling allowed his body to ignore the burn in his eyes and the ache in his muscles, he searched around frantically with his eyes, his body still unable to move and feeling so weak, his throat unbearably soar as he whispered a faint cry of "I'm here,"

"Gerard? Gerard?" The voice said, gently placing a hand on Gerard's cheek, a rough callused finger ruining down to his neck and pressing on it. 

Gerard mustered up the last ounce of adrenaline he had left from the random surge he had to whisper faintly, "I'm here," 

Whoever it was exhaled in a way that was classified only as relieved which caused a faint, oh so faint, smile to creep itself up on Gerard's face, the small and week tug on the corners of his mouth was still too much for him to do, but he did it enough to make himself satisfied with the small movement.

He awoke again slowly opening his eyes, the lights were dimmed a bit and he could hear faint snoring coming from the left side of him. He tried sitting up, but his leg was completely numb. He felt a bit stronger this time, so he tried pushing himself up and managed to get into somewhat of a sitting position. He turned over to his right to see some water. The moment he laid his eyes on it he realized how thirsty he was and drank all of it instantly.

He finally turned over to see who was snoring and nearly gasped. It was Frank. He actually showed up for Gerard. His heart began to soar and pump at what seemed like millions of miles an hour causing an involuntary squeak to come out of his throat without his consent. 

The squeak jolted Frank awake and once he realized that Gerard was awake he rushed over to him and immediately pulled Gerard's head to his chest, hearing hiccuped breathing, " Du lever, du är okej. Fuck, jag älskar dig så mycket." Frank heaved out, punctuating every other word with a gentle kiss on Gerard's head. Gerard didn't know what the hell he just said to him but it sounded lovely.

"What?" Gerard said, his voice very weak and weary.

"No no don't worry just - are you okay? Do you feel okay? How's your knee? Everything okay?" Frank rushed, causing a tiny giggle coming out of Gerard, a bit stronger than the way his voice sounded a minute ago.

"I'm fine." Gerard smiled, his face feeling sore and slicked with sweat. He remembered how many nightmares he was having and how much he kept waking up. He felt his heart racing again as he started to get memories of everything that happened in the operating room and a sharp pain began to resonate in his thigh.

Frank had noticed the change in Gerard's mood and saw his grip on his thigh and pressed the call button for the nurse. She had told Frank that when Gerard was feeling pain in his thigh she needed to administer to him more heavy pain killers. Gerard didn't entirely realize the severity of the situation considering he wasn't freaking out, but Frank was - at least on the inside he was.

"What's that for? Gerard asked after noticing that Frank had pressed a button. "It's so that a nurse can help you with the pain in your leg. She'll help okay? Then when I come back we need to talk about things." Frank smiled, opening the door for the nurse to come in and leaving after she assured him it was okay.

Gerard smiled at the nurse when she came in, he tried being nice to her but he couldn't help but feel so scared with her around. People in the medical field always scared Gerard ever since he was a child and a nurse to him was no different.

She asked him where in his thigh the pain was and once he showed her, she pulled out a syringe and filled it with a liquid from a small bottle. "I advise you don't look at what I'm about to do, deep breath in." She commanded, Gerard jerking his head away and taking a huge breath of air inside his body. He felt the pierce of the needle but right when she told him to breathe out - he couldn't feel anything in his leg. It felt numb again. 

"Better?" She asked, putting things on the tray back to where they belong and signaling Frank to come back in. Gerard immediately felt so much safer when Frank walked in. He had a weird aura to him that made the whole room light up.

"Okay, Gerard." Frank smiled, sitting on the edge of Gerard's bed and looking up at him. "I paid for everything and because you need to be bed ridden for a week and I'll take care of you.

"Really?" Gerard asked, a smile spreading across his face as he realized what was actually going to happen to him. He felt happy for once - that is, until he felt someone tapping on his shoulder, and he woke up again.

He was sweaty and in a hospital - but no one was in his room. He was alone. No Frank. No nurse. Seemed as if it was nighttime. 

The thing that was tapping his shoulder was a wire to something that was connected to his body.

Was it all just a dream?


End file.
